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Thursday, 8 October 2009

i'm in college now :)

have been for 4 weeks

oh, it's terribly overwhelming actually, i haven't been in proper education for years and years and i'm getting so much howework to do.

we have 2 full days of knitting machining on monday and tuesday, which is pretty greuling like, and i spend a lot of time swearing at the machines cos they're awfully finickity things and they drop stitches at the slightest provocation, at least they do for me anyway.

and then on wednesday i've been having to paint, and i can't paint to save my life. never mind. we're onto pattern cutting and sewing now and that's much better.

we don't have weave for another few months yet though, so i've got the lend of a table loom off the weave techinician and gonna make a scarf for my friend's birthday.

hooray!

anyway, sorry for the extended absence, which reminds me of a joke

man goes to the doctor

man: i've got a problem doctor, it's a bit embarassing to tell truth

doctor: well, there's no need to be embarassed in front of me, anything said here won't leave this room

man: well, it's like this, for the past week or so everytime i've farted it's sounded awfully strange

doctor: well, maybe you could demonstrate for me?

man screws his face up with effort, assumes wrestlers stance

man: eeeeh, urrgh (strain, struggle, etc) . . . HONDA!

doctor: well, that is curious, does this happen everytime you fart?

man: yes, i'm the laughing stock of the office

doctor: has there been any change in your lifestyle or diet recently?

man: well, my wife left me last week and she always did the cooking so i've mainly been living off ready meals and pot noodles, i don't know how to cook for myself

doctor: hmmm, well i have a theory, if you could just drop your trousers so i can examine you?

man: ok then (drops keks)

doctor: hmm (shuffle, peer, probe and so on), well, i think i my have found the issue here, there's an absess on your left buttock, if you put your trousers back on i'll give you a cream that'll clear it up, i think you'll find you'll be farting normally in a matter of days

man: what? (shuffles back into keks) but that's ridiculous, what on earth could an abcess have to do with the sound of my farts?

doctor: well, it's like the old saying goes . .
.
.
"Abcess makes the fart go HONDA!"


good eh?

oh come on now, it's not that bad.

really, some people don't know when they're in the precense of a comedic genius

-andrew

10 comments:

Meg in Nelson said...

I knew you moved, I knew you were doing something different, but in school? Good for you. Post pics!!!! (And which town are you in now?)

humblebumble said...

i's in galashiels

it's south of edinburgh, about 40 minutes on the bus

i only got my internet connection back last week

Meg in Nelson said...

Checked the map just now. Boy, it's the southern end of Scotland, isn't it? Where is your school? Not in your town, I assume?

Dorothy said...

I had a year as a full time student when I was 38, and found I'd forgotten how to learn things, also, bit weird working out I was same age as the mother of the girl next to me, and her mother had grandchildren!

Sounds like your having some fun there, though I think I'd curse a lot myself if I had to use a knitting machine all day.

Enjoy your scarf weaving ;)

I laughed at the Honda joke.

Carrie said...

Hey Andrew,
glad to hear you're sticking it out at college, unlike me, who scarpered (you always were braver than me!). I picked up my loom a few days ago, for the first time in something like 2 months. Made a horrible scarf, but went yarn shopping yesterday so hopefully will be able to make something prettier with it.
(loved the joke btw!)
Carrie (cousin) xx :)

humblebumble said...

meg - the school's in galashiels, which i guess is my town now, seeing as i live here. thurso to gala would be a bit too much of a commute for me

dorothy - it's a bit wierd innit being older than everybody else, tho not that much older here ;) i know what you mean about forgetting how to learn things tho. although my main problem is having no idea whatsoever how to use paint in a course that seems to cater mainly for people with a background in art. i guess it'll be ok tho, i mean there wasn't so much as a drop of paint in my portfolio so it's not like i mis-sold myself. oh, and it's a rare fish that finds my jokes funny, i think you'll find your house listed by the WWF as "habitat of an endangered species" and therefore immune from demolition under planning law

and last but not least

hey carrie, great to hear from you :)

i'll pick out some yarn from my stash for you when i go up for crimbo and bring it by on the way down. sorry to hear you never made it to college, but never mind, no reason to feel bad like. anyway, ayr sounds pretty dire in my opinion, so maybe you made the right choice.

i'm struggling a little with the inspiration side of things in knit class really. i guess i can't see many possibilities for pattern and colour mixing in knitwear, i guess it's more about texture, drape and feel in the knitting world. anyway, i'll just work on through and do what's required of me to pass the module, reckon i might have more fun in print, which we start in a couple of weeks.

i also have to do a whole truckload of research for the fashion module and a bit of painting as well. i'm going to do it on punk, skinhead and crusty "fashion", if you can call the pseudo-uniforms male dominated subcultures wear fashion in any sense, cos i'm not remotely interested in a-line skirts except in the usual way and still feel a bit wierd standing in the library flicking through copies of vogue and elle looking at pictures of pouting belsen graduates

mind you, we've started doing pattern cutting and sewing work in the fashion module now, so that's definitely something practical i can use in real life. might see if i can poach proper pattern-cutting notes off a fashion student, could be useful

anyhow, are you on facebook at all? also, my email address got cancelled cos i didn't all-of-a-suden decide to start paying for it, so my new addy is

hmm, actually, i'll not post it here, cos it'll probably get pinched by a spam-bot and sold to nigeria. here's my new landline number instead

01896 758 367

gizza shout sometime. i'm almost always in the house after 9, cos i quit drinkin and have no social life worth speaking of

-andrew

Carrie said...

Thanks, I don't have a facebook page, but I'll give you a ring one evening. Probably was a good idea getting a place of your own instead of going into halls, I've never seen so many drunken school-leavers in one hallway before!

I've never used a knitting machine before, but even from a knitter's point of view it doesn't sound very inspiring. Knitting for me is a hobby, so usually a lot of effort goes in to some seriously tiny projects! Have you heard of Ravelry? It's a big knitting community mostly, though there are a lot of spinning/weaving/dyeing groups about too. You might find some inspiration there.

Speak to you soon!
Carrie :)

Dorothy said...

Hey Andrew, next time you need ideas why not us the rest of us for suggestions? My brother in law discovered machine knitting and has been making up new fairisle patterns. He made a wonderful hat for me with fairisle moths, beetles and spider patterns.

Are you printing now?

I hope you're enjoying yourself and not too daunted by the pace of the course.

humblebumble said...

hey dorothy, thanks for the offer.

i'm going to try to translate some of my blocky paint patterns into knit using missed stitches to make holes to create the pattern.

it's fun messing about with missed stitch technique to make curves and points. there's so many different effects you can create.

i'm in print now yeah, which looks to be a lot of fun. also, i have access to screen-making and printing equipment (longest print table in europe apparently) so i can start doing punk patches n that again.

the pace of the course is ok, but i do have a lot to do, you really have to come into college out of hours to do work n that, but the workshops r open til 9 during the week, so it's ok.

the facilities here are just excellent. i came here for the weaving, but the place does just have everything like. if i ever come across anywhere as well equipped as borders campus i'll be surprised.

it's not just the looms (jacquard n aw), knitting machines, screen printing facilities and clothing make room, they've got synthetic yarn production facilities and folks doing research on thermochromic colour changing dyes, smart textiles and i don't know what else.

smart textiles are very interesting, put it into google or youtube. look up "electric plaid", it's very cool

-andrew

Carrie said...

Hey, thanks for visiting my blog! 'tis a new adventure. You guys should definately stop in on the way up the road, it's always nice to see ya! (maybe you could help me learn navajo ply, cause I'm about to scream!)
Take it easy!
Carrie xx